7 Tricks to Get Your 3 or 4 Year Old to Go to Bed (These Work!)

Maybe your child just moved from a crib to a “big bed”, or a recent vacation just threw off your bedtime routine. Or perhaps bedtime has always been chaos with your kiddos! We get it. Getting young kids to go to bed can be one of the most challenging parts of parenthood. At the end of a long day, all you want to do is curl up with a glass of wine and a remote control. Here are 7 tricks and tips to help your kids go to bed, and stay there.

1. Set a regular bedtime. To determine the optimal bedtime, work backwards from when your family wakes up, and determine the amount of sleep your child needs. Remember that if kids go to bed too late, they often fight it even harder. As a general rule, 3 to 4 year olds need about 11 to 11.5 hours of nighttime sleep, and 0 to 2 hours of nap-time sleep.

2. Establish a bedtime routine.

Children thrive on routines because it tells them what to expect. Kids unfortunately will not sleep on command with the snap of the fingers, so a specific consistent routine can help them wind down to be ready to fall asleep at the end. If possible, try to choose a routine that won’t feel rushed to your child, so they have time to mentally wind down. Many children find bath time to be relaxing and enjoyable, and helps to create the transition to pajamas and bedtime. Other common elements are picking up toys before bed, and brushing teeth, and a bedtime story. Write out the bedtime routine with your child, and include pictures, so he or she can be part of the process.

3. Use positive reinforcement for good behavior.

Positive reinforcement is one of the most well-accepted behavior strategies used by child psychologists. In this case, offering small rewards for good behavior at nighttime can help establish good habits. We love The Bedtime Bunny, the award-winning children’s book that introduces children to a magical bunny that offers small surprises to children if they go to bed – left by the front door while they are sleeping. Many parents find that this approach dramatically improves bedtime behaviors, while bringing a fun new tradition into the home!

The Bedtime Bunny uses the power of magic and occasional rewards to help young children stay in bed. Available on Amazon.

4. Be firm with bedtime rules.

Decide what elements are part of bedtime, then be consistent every single night. If it’s reading two books, then it’s always exactly two books – no negotiating. Do they get one small snack? If your child demands that you stay in his room until he falls sleep, consider if you’re willing to make this part of your nightly routine. If not, firmly tell your child, “No, mommy can’t stay here.” It might help to reassure your child that you’ll come back to check on them later, and that you’re always nearby. Remember that both parents should be consistent with “the rules”.

5. Address negative behavior without emotion.

Of course, even with all the best efforts, some children will continue to fight bedtime. In this case, firmly tell your child that it’s time for bed, then leave the room. When they get out of bed, immediately bring them back into the room. It’s important to be firm and emotionless, a minimize speaking at this point. Children are looking for attention, so be sure not to provide stimulating interaction. For the first few nights, you may need to do this repeatedly (one mom shares her experience doing this nearly 100 times!) – but eventually the child will learn that bedtime means bedtime.

6. Soothing lights and sounds.

Are your household’s lights on full-blast when you start their bedtime routine? Try dimming or turning off overhead lighting to create a more soothing environment as they get ready for bed. Use calming tones and soft voices as you move through the bedtime routine. Encourage your young child to sing calm, happy songs with you as they take a bath and put on pajamas.

7. Make sure kids get enough daily activity.

Between screen time and school time, kids are burning less energy during the day than ever. When bedtime rolls around, many kids are still brimming with energy. Build in time each day for kids to move their bodies – ideally at least an hour or two before bedtime. Even a walk around the block after dinner can burn a lot of energy for little legs.